Friday, 7 p.m., Haight Fillmore - 16th Valencia

You see the bus coming toward you and it's just a black mass like a two ton black brick on wheels. There's no light shining through and you know it's packed - packed worse than sardines, more like one of those surprise snakes in a can. And as it sort of stumbles to the stop like a drunken sumo-wrestler, the door opens and vomits out two or three thousand people.
But, there is still no where to stand. I get on and I don't pay because I can't even get to the driver. People are crammed tight so I have to stand on the stairs. Many are in front of the sacred yellow line and we all keep throwing glances to the driver for spacial approval.
The bus begins to move and there's nothing to hold on to so the two strangers next to me and I get to second base.
And then...the roar.
It comes from the back and sounds like someone is roasting two hundred hyenas.
It goes something like.... ASFFFFEQPOHFEENSDVOEW BOYFRIEND MOTHERFUCKERAFGSBDAAAFASFas IPod QWDASNFwd qweiodasseqf Fuck YOu Bitch MotherFuqa qwwwfrqnniggeriofhaf Sit on Me Awedapushed me iwfdhasv WHatchoo Lookin at Bitch aSQEWFEFGsv Ipod alihqwf FAt aSS lknfiohewefd Get Off Me asfnnewiofhefwndiqwnd bITCH Q:WEFNwefw Mine mine mine!
We throw one another glances. Smirks. It is almost impressive how loud it is.
There is an elderly woman totally intrigued by the chaos. She's moving left and right on the stairs next to me trying to get a peep at who or what could possibly be causing so much noise.
"What in God's name is going on back there?" she asks wrinkling a brow full of lines from a thousand such similar inquiries.
And then the driver chimes in.
"I'll tell you what it is. It's a fuckin' show. They are on display right now. You think they do this at home?! You think they do this in front of their parents?! Mmm-mm. Nah-uh. But because it's nice and warm in here and they have a captive audience, they have to show off, like a bunch of fucking ignorant bastards disrupting everyone's ride. But if no one was payin' attention, they would shut the hell up! I'm supposed to be their papa? Naw-uh. Nobody cares about those kids and I'm tellin' ya, neither do I."
And then...silence.
And the bus driver says, "Aw shit, did I have the speaker on?"