Thursday, 3 p.m., Union Fillmore - Haight Fillmore
It was one of those days that you just wanted to shit in your pants and walk around in it.
School had just let out and it was loud. Monsters, jacked-up on sugar and hormones had taken over the back third of the bus. They were like bouncy balls in a circular room, and let's just be honest, they are fucking LOUD. The Deuce Deuce can serve as a daily exercise in meditation. It is so easy there on a mat, in a studio with serene clouds painted on the ceiling, to keep it cool - so easy to swim when the waters are calm.
The noise from the rear is all-consuming, the way sometimes I can only hear squeaking shoes when I watch a basketball game.
I stretch my neck left, then right. I close my eyes and breathe deep.
"FUCK YOU you Fuckin' Busted Ass Whore!"
"You the slUt, Ho!"
At Geary it gets crowded, it gets sardines.
An elderly man, nearly a foot shorter than me is nestled in, his head pretty much in my armpit.
A pushing match ensues. It's like a PCP Red Bull MTV Spring Break South of the Border Dog fight back there.
I close my eyes.
"AHHHHHHHHHH, Don't grab my titty you busted-ass motherfucker!"
I open my eyes and lay my head back and begin an internal mantra of, "I sold my car for the right reason. I sold my car for the right reason. Not having a car is an ethical choice. Not having a car is an ethical choice. I love this city. I love diversity. I love this city. I love diversity."
And then, I get chucked.
"Move BITCH. This is our stop!"
I get pushed and knock over the little old man I was essentially coddling, who falls to the ground.
I'm helping him up, one of the girls steps on his ankle as they pile over us, pushing through the crowd to the door. My stop too.
I step down.
"Dumb Bitch! Don't just stand there like nobody got any place to go but you!"
And I, my bad, but I, "DO YOU EVER SHUT THE FUCK UP?!"
And what ensued, what was said, we will never know. It was three teenage, female, hyennas and it sounded like, !@%$@^Y&$EHFG$%$ Of FUCKetfwekfnwefwe BITCH worqjwor ME GUNNA fwieohf49hwekrjker9ef I'm about to slap this fuckin'2rf 35r9wrfyhwei9rfw9efjsdofjsdlfjsd!!!!!!!!!!
I started to walk. They followed me.
"I'm gonna get my brother to fucking kill you!"
They followed me for four blocks spouting equally eloquent comments until one said, "Oh you wanna know if I ever shut the fuck up well..."
And I spun around, "NO! I know the answer. It's 'No,' you never shut the fuck up. You haven't shut up since Union Street - so I have my answer, the answer is 'No.' Now go home."
"We are goin' home."
"Oh, awesome. We're neighbors. This way it'll be easier for your brother to kill me. Awesome."
I turned, they turned. I could hear them fade into the distance planning my demise.
I could have stopped riding, but instead I started writing.
-photo compliments of eviloars